Politics

Clarence Thomas Now Dignity-Free After Years Of Suffering

Clarence Thomas Now Dignity-Free After Years Of Suffering

Supreme Court member, self-loather and possible sex pest Clarence Thomas has been declared completely dignity-free by doctors after years of suffering. After penning a jaw-dropping dissent on same sex marriage that’s been described as either ‘perfectly logical’ or ‘dumb as fuck’, Thomas finally […]

31 July 2015 · Politics, USA
David Cameron To Adobt Indian Caste System In The UK

David Cameron To Adobt Indian Caste System In The UK

Prime Minister David Cameron has expressed admiration for India’s caste system as he plans to adopt a similar system in the UK to bring the country more in line with the Victorian era, a period Cameron is particularly fond of. The prime minister […]

30 July 2015 · Europe, Politics
‘Mandatory Gun Ownership For Everyone’ Says Rick Perry

‘Mandatory Gun Ownership For Everyone’ Says Rick Perry

“The only way to decrease violence is with more violence” says former Texas Governor Rick Perry as he responds to America’s seemingly endless wave of gun killings. While appearing on some Sunday morning political show full of dreary old men, the US presidential […]

29 July 2015 · Politics, USA
Queen Admits Hitler Did Pop Round For A Cup Of Tea Once Or Twice

Queen Admits Hitler Did Pop Round For A Cup Of Tea Once Or Twice

A royal spokesman today revealed that murderous psychopath Adolf Hitler made secret visits to Buckingham Palace in 1933 for tea and scones with members of the royal family, some of whom were recently revealed to have ‘sieg heilled’ back in the thirties like […]

27 July 2015 · Europe, Politics
Donald Trump’s Hair Rules Out Running For Presidency

Donald Trump’s Hair Rules Out Running For Presidency

Donald Trump’s hair announced today that it won’t be running for the presidency unlike the unpleasant human known as Donald Trump upon which the hair sits. The hair, which has no name, is an avowed Socialist and wants nothing to do with the […]

26 June 2015 · Politics, USA
Jacob Zuma To Spend $5m On In-House Brothel

Jacob Zuma To Spend $5m On In-House Brothel

South African President Jacob Zuma will spend $5m on a state-of-the-art brothel facility at his presidential home in the Nkandla compound it was announced last night. Around 100 prostitutes will work in a Ferrari-designed building containing 70 individual consultation suites and a large […]

2 June 2015 · Africa, Politics
‘UKIP Voters Not Smart Enough To Vote’ Fears Farage

‘UKIP Voters Not Smart Enough To Vote’ Fears Farage

The UKIP leader Nigel Farage is deeply concerned that many of his prospective voters might not have the proper mental capacity and basic intelligence to vote for his party come election day. Farage, who was busy goose-stepping across the country to drum up […]

7 May 2015 · Europe, Politics
UKIP To Stop Immigrants From Voting If They Get Into Power

UKIP To Stop Immigrants From Voting If They Get Into Power

UKIP leader Nigel Farage says that if he rises to power in the general election he will stop immigrants from voting in all future elections as he believes these people should not have a say in how an Englishman runs his country. Farage […]

6 May 2015 · Europe, Politics
Obama To Favour Black People After Rastafari Conversion

Obama To Favour Black People After Rastafari Conversion

After a hugely successful trip to Jamaica, President Barack Obama announced today that he’ll join the Rastafari movement with immediate effect and will concentrate the remainder of his presidential duties ‘mashing down the walls of the Babylon system’ that oppresses black people the […]

22 April 2015 · Politics, USA
Hillary Clinton Promises To Say ‘Thank You’ If Millions of Blacks Vote For Her

Hillary Clinton Promises To Say ‘Thank You’ If Millions of Blacks Vote For Her

While on the campaign trail Hillary Clinton has today announced what she plans to do to help solve the issues facing America’s black citizens if she’s elected. “Today many African Americans face debilitating issues such as horrendous police brutality, unfair rates of incarceration, […]

14 April 2015 · Politics, USA