USA

Police Urged To Masturbate More

Police Urged To Masturbate More

After exhausting nearly every possible method to stop police officers from shooting unarmed individuals for no apparent reason, police departments are now exploring the calming effect of self-love as a means of preventing officers from acting out their testosterone-fueled, bigoted revenge fantasies on […]

19 August 2015 · USA
Apple Includes Black Emojis In New Diversity Figures

Apple Includes Black Emojis In New Diversity Figures

Saying it was a genuine mistake which occurred during the annual HR audit, Apple told reporters that their latest diversity report included a number of black emojis which might’ve come from a completely different audit due to a serious technical malfunction. The company […]

17 August 2015 · USA
Office Workers Banned From Talking About ‘Black Lives Matter’

Office Workers Banned From Talking About ‘Black Lives Matter’

Office workers at TechDorling Inc., a world leader in verbal communication recognition systems, have spent the last year working hard to not broach the subject of the Black Lives Matter movement during lunch and coffee breaks and on the rare occasions they meet […]

14 August 2015 · Politics, USA
Police Still Remain Un-Fucked Up 27 Years Since The Release Of ‘Fuck Tha Police’

Police Still Remain Un-Fucked Up 27 Years Since The Release Of ‘Fuck Tha Police’

Despite providing black people with a musical clarion call against racist police harassment, the ground-breaking NWA track ‘Fuck Tha Police’ has manifestly failed to get police fucked up since it was released 27 years ago. DeMarcus Walliams, who purchased the album ‘Straight Outta […]

13 August 2015 · Music, USA
The Black Explainer Guide To The First Republican Debate Candidates

The Black Explainer Guide To The First Republican Debate Candidates

The stage is set as the GOP cavalcade of cretins rolls into town for the first Republican debate of the year. Will Trump attack the wives of others? Will the entire fall of western civilization be blamed on Obama? Will Carson continue to […]

6 August 2015 · Politics, USA
Clarence Thomas Now Dignity-Free After Years Of Suffering

Clarence Thomas Now Dignity-Free After Years Of Suffering

Supreme Court member, self-loather and possible sex pest Clarence Thomas has been declared completely dignity-free by doctors after years of suffering. After penning a jaw-dropping dissent on same sex marriage that’s been described as either ‘perfectly logical’ or ‘dumb as fuck’, Thomas finally […]

31 July 2015 · Politics, USA
‘Mandatory Gun Ownership For Everyone’ Says Rick Perry

‘Mandatory Gun Ownership For Everyone’ Says Rick Perry

“The only way to decrease violence is with more violence” says former Texas Governor Rick Perry as he responds to America’s seemingly endless wave of gun killings. While appearing on some Sunday morning political show full of dreary old men, the US presidential […]

29 July 2015 · Politics, USA
Lie Generators Distributed To All Police Officers

Lie Generators Distributed To All Police Officers

As well as body cameras with editing functions, many US police forces are now issuing their officers with Lie Generator smartphone apps to enable them to avoid punishment for routine ‘mistakes’ such as murdering people or tampering with evidence. The Lie Generator app, […]

28 July 2015 · USA
Rupert Murdoch Takes Over As Prince Of Darkness

Rupert Murdoch Takes Over As Prince Of Darkness

Media mogul Rupert Murdoch is stepping down as leader of 21st Century Fox to take up the role of Prince of Darkness recently vacated by Christopher Lee who sadly passed away last month. At a packed press conference earlier today the Australian octogenarian, […]

8 July 2015 · Europe, Film & TV, USA
Global Smugness Levels Rise In The Wake Of The Charleston Shooting

Global Smugness Levels Rise In The Wake Of The Charleston Shooting

Global misplaced smugness levels have risen dramatically in the wake of the Charleston shooting with many countries quick to condemn the United States for its terrible treatment of black people despite many of the same countries treating black people just as badly, if […]

29 June 2015 · Europe, USA