World Prepares To Start Discriminating Against Tom Jones

Tom Jones

“Why, why, why deny it!”

The world is preparing to begin treating Tom Jones like a black man if it turns out he does have black ancestry as per his DNA investigation into his background.

Black music lover Marsha Jacksonville is looking forward to the singer’s transition to a black man: “If he turns out to be black I won’t hesitate to start buying some Tom Jones as I’ve always dug his voice. I’ll dig him even more if he’s one of us.”

But not everyone was as happy.

Lifelong white Tom Jones fan Janet Suggsby was less than pleased: “I bought his music in good faith that I was buying the music of a white person.

“If he’s one of them then I’m just going to have to burn my entire Tom Jones collection on a huge bonfire.”

If it’s revealed he has black ancestry then Tom Jones can expect hostile treatment in virtually every country he visits, poor service in shops and restaurants, and a massive increase in being monitored by the police in public places.

He can also expect extra scrutiny when traveling, and a sharp rise in women clutching their purses when he walks by as opposed to throwing their underwear at him.

After considering his options Tom Jones has decided not to go ahead with the investigation.

He says he has too much to lose and it’s not unusual to have a change of heart so it’s best to leave well alone.