Thieves Take Hip-Hop From South Bronx


The writing’s on the wall!

The dazzling and successful art form hip-hop was stolen last night in what will rank as one of the most spectacular music heists of modern times.

The incident happened in New York City in the South Bronx area at about 11:30 last night.

The night raid was described by police as a masterful and sly operation. Security experts speculated that the thieves might have taken advantage of the BET Awards telecast to get their hands on hip-hop.

Police are reluctant to put a price tag on the stolen music form but experts said it ran into hundreds of millions of dollars.

A passer-by who witnessed the robbery tried to save hip-hop but was overpowered by the thieves who had the force of an empire behind them.

The witness, who doesn’t want to be named, said she saw ‘two sleazy looking fellas in suits putting hip-hop in the back of a van. They smiled as they did it’.

No one was injured during the robbery except the hearts and minds of millions of black people worldwide. The thieves left a note at the scene of the crime which read: Same As It Ever Was!

Urban music journalist Thomas Theodore said: “The music that defined contemporary black America has been wrenched from the hands of black Americans. It’s now the property of some unknown force who will no doubt try and take credit for it while reaping the vast riches to be had. It’s a sad day.”

This is not the first time a music form has been stolen but this particular crime is especially galling as the warning signs were there for all to see.

Theodore continued: “Once again we’re seeing the The Great Rock ‘n’ Roll Swindle all over again.”

Many top producers and artists, unbeknownst to them, have worked with the suspected thieves in recent years which gave the thieves special access and insider knowledge of the music which worked to their advantage when they pulled the heist.

Plans to put up a cash reward for any information leading to the return of hip-hop faltered when none of the very rich hip-hop artists and producers could be bothered to donate any money.

The robbers were described as Caucasian.