‘Ted Cruz And Ken Kratz Are The Same Person’ Say Scientists


The face that launched a thousand shits!

After years of intensive research, scientists are positive that despised GOP frontrunner Ted Cruz and equally despised former prosecutor Ken Kratz are the same person it was announced last night.

The research team at the University of Creative Studies said that although they may not look like each other, their slimy behavior and the way others react to them indicate that the same man is living some sort of sick, perverted dual life.

Head Researcher, Dr. Peter Stick said: “After careful observation we can confidently say that these two individuals are the same person and we have the evidence to prove it.

“They both tell an unconscionable quantity of lies that somehow people believe.

“They both have creepy faces that make women uncomfortable while ranking high on the punchability scale.

“They both have smiles resembling a Nazi doctor about to conduct an experiment on a live subject or the same doctor straining on the toilet while conducting an experiment on a live subject.

“They both have voices that even Hannibal Lecter finds disturbing.

“They hate poor people with a vengeance, quite literally in the case of Kratz.

“They both use dirty tricks to get to the top, and they both wear ill-fitting suits that do nothing to hide their overall physical repugnance.”

Further research carried out by the Dr. Stick reveals that as a child, this disturbed individual enjoyed torturing household pets until death and watching his parents in bed through a peephole.

The doctor says the evidence is irrefutable.