Sweden Ends Racism

Look how perfect they are.

Sweden is the first country ever to completely eradicate racism, according to prime minister Frederik Rumsfeld of the Moderation party.

“Racism is now a thing of the past in our country,” says Rumsfeld.

“Up until the 1970s, we tried to deal with race by selective breeding and sterilization but that didn’t work out so now we’ve developed a complex and finely-tuned technique for removing racism totally from Swedish society. It’s called the ‘not using the word race ever again’ method. It works by removing all references to the word ‘race’ in all aspects of public life and voilà! No more racism!”

“Racial discrimination in housing and in the job market will fade away thanks to this new rule and the escalating hate crimes against people of African descent are now just normal crimes against people of no particular descent. That’s because we got rid of racism. See how it works.”

Although Sweden is widely regarded as a role model for equality and justice, its dark and disturbing past continues to resurface despite a determined PR campaign to hide it under an avalanche of cheesy pop music and plastic furniture.

Rumsfeld continues: “Okay, so I know we were the first to classify races according to skin color and we once had an Institute for Racial Biology which heavily influenced the Nazis but now we want to sweep all of that under a nice, big IKEA rug to show that we Swede’s are at the forefront of modern thinking.”

But what will happen to all the racist groups now that Sweden has removed race?

“Nothing”, says Rumsfeld, “because without race there can be no racism. Blacks who are attacked and abused do not exist because we have no blacks. And we have no blacks because race doesn’t exist. It’s simple really. Next year we’ll get rid of sexism by removing the word sex too.”

Now that race no longer exists in Sweden will they eventually elect a prime minister who looks like Obama?

“Er, I wouldn’t go that far.” says Rumsfeld.