The Pigs Are Out Of Control!

A dirty pig yesterday.

Pigs all over the world over are out of control, say experts, as the foul swine continue to attack and kill defenseless people at an alarming rate.

Professor James Foxgrace of the MIT Pig Faculty explains: “Pig violence is increasing because they are naturally prone to violence against people, but not all people and not all the time.

“Our tests confirm that certain types of people are more susceptible to pig violence than others and we ask those particular types of people to avoid pigs at all times.”

Pig brutality is in the news seemingly everyday with the animals attacking and sometimes killing certain people simply because they don’t like who they are and because they think they have the power to do so. And they often get away with it.

Random pig victim Derek O’Neal has recent knowledge of such porcine encounters: “Just the other day some stinking, dirty pig was all up in my face looking to break me down for no reason. It happens everyday and it’s got to stop. Pigs know nothing but brutality and lethal force so sooner or later the people will reach the end of their tether and rise up and fight back against the pigs.”

But what can be done to halt the relentless onslaught of pig murder and viciousness terrorizing certain communities? Very little it seems as the pigs have been doing this for decades and when they’re taken to task for their violence they back each other up and they always stick together.

Professor Foxgrace says taking up arms against the pigs will only make things worse but if you see a pig attacking someone, use your smartphone to record the altercation and upload the evidence to YouTube immediately. This might prevent other pig attacks in future but it probably won’t.

The professor also suggests that perhaps the pigs can be trained to not attack humans so readily and to use restraint instead of aggression.

“And pigs might fly!” says Derek O’Neal, “You do know you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig. And one more thing, you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.”