PIGGATE EXCLUSIVE: “I Was David Cameron’s Secret Sex Pig”


The pork Dave pulled!

As the piggate controversy surrounding David Cameron’s student penile antics continue, a living, breathing pig has come forward to tell of a torrid affair with the prime minister before his rise to power.

The Gloucestershire old spot, who goes by the name of Philip (not his real name), tells of forbidden nights of painful and demeaning sex with Cameron as well as the threats made to keep his snout shut about the sordid goings on.

Cameron had a string of porcine lovers since his days at Oxford University where he developed a taste for ‘hog loving’, a popular pastime among those of his kind.

Philip spoke calmly and clearly but was obviously nervous as he recounted his story: “We met on a farm owned by one of Dave’s friends. I was a lovely, young swine with not a care in the world and he was the obnoxious, entitled toff who couldn’t keep his hands off me.

“After taking me back to his place we did a couple of lines and a spliff before he forced himself on me roughly. And so the affair began.

“I wasn’t that keen at first but I wasn’t resisting that much either. I just wanted to see where it would go.

“Every time he finished doing me he would go on and on about how much he hates the disgusting ordinary folk and that he wanted them out of his sight.

“He always talked of bringing the plebs to heel once he got into power. He said he’ll show them what real leadership looks like and put them back in their place once and for all.

“Then he would tuck in to a plate full of sausages, black pudding and bacon and not give a damn about how offensive that was to me. He really was that ruthless.

“In the end he left me when his career started to take off. He said he needed a human partner as he couldn’t get anywhere with a mere farm animal by his side no matter how delicious and succulent I was.

“He said if I told anyone about our affair he would have me sliced up, cured, smoked and sealed in an airtight package and sold in Waitrose faster than I could say “stop Dave, you’re gagging me” which I said often to him during coitus.

“He said he’d shut me up faster than he shut up the BBC and you know what he did to them.

“I agreed to say nothing, but I’ve kept my mouth shut all this time and I cannot be silenced any longer. The world must know what kind of monster he is.”

Shortly after the interview ‘Philip’ was whisked away in the back of a van by a gang of burly secret service men. The van contained a number of sauces, marinades and a large gas-powered barbecue.

The whistle-blowing porker hasn’t been seen since.