All-New Captain America Stopped, Frisked And Arrested

Captain America

“I’m trying to help you people. You dumb racists.”

The All-New Captain America was arrested on Saturday as police responded to hundreds of complaints about a ‘black man throwing a shield around, attacking people and going crazy’ in downtown New York.

Captain America claims he was defeating the evil forces of Hydra who attempted to use a new cosmic cube to enhance a mammoth nuclear device that would’ve killed all New York’s inhabitants. He also claims he defused the nuclear device and drove Hydra’s evil operatives out of the city.

NYPD Deputy Commissioner David Hammings said: “At about 10:30 last night a suspicious looking African American male was reported to be fighting a group of German men carrying a large suitcase in the Lower Manhattan area. The German men have since fled but we have multiple eyewitness reports of the suspect punching, kicking and throwing his shield at them before they left the area.”

Since the Captain America shield was handed over to Sam Wilson the police have taken a keen interest in his activities and have stopped and frisked the black superhero on multiple occasions, sometimes for no apparent reason.

Hammings continued: “We had excellent relations with the previous Captain America who was a role model and a clean, upstanding individual who defended the United States valiantly. He was one of us if you know what I mean. There’s something about this new fella I just don’t like though, so I’ve ordered my officers to keep a close eye on him. I’m determined to get him on something even if it means the destruction of my beloved country including all the people I love.”

The previous Captain America Steve Rogers was never arrested and received numerous medals throughout his distinguished career.

The All-New Captain America says he’ll continue to protect America from danger if he’s released from custody despite the hostile and ungrateful domestic forces working against him.

He is expected in court tomorrow on charges of assault & battery, disturbing the peace, disorderly conduct and criminal damage. If convicted he could face up to 20 years in prison although given his powers he’ll probably break out and go and live in a less racist country where his skills and heroism are more welcome.

Image: Marvel/Twitter