Hitler Happy With Euro Elections


“Hell is not working out so well for me.”

Adolf Hitler released a statement from his home in the depths of Hell praising the results of the 2014 Euro Elections. In the statement, Hitler expressed immense satisfaction that his ideas have taken hold among the European people and he hopes the enemy in our midst can be purged just like during World War II. A war he was especially proud of starting.

The mustachioed Austrian killer is currently serving an eternity in torment and misery for being the worst and most evil human being ever but that didn’t stop him taking credit for the far-right surge in popularity.

In his statement he said: “Great news about the elections. It’s good to know that exterminating foreigners hasn’t gone out of fashion just yet. I’m sorry I can’t be with you when you implement your final solution, but If you need any ideas grab a copy of my book. It’s available on Amazon.

“Also, why is a woman leading the Fatherland? Can’t we get a strong, determined man instead? Someone like that Putin guy. Now there’s a fella who knows how to conduct an invasion.”

Hitler was also pleased with the low turnout which he said ‘helped get the message across’: “Europe is pretty bone idle when it comes to voting. They sit there on their fat jaded asses, stuffing their faces with hipster burgers and gawping at their smartphones, so is it any wonder we’ve sneaked in again? And now we’re in we can do what the hell we like just like in 1939. Woo hoo!”

Hitler also spoke about his endless torture: “For being the worst human being ever created I have to endure the most unimaginable suffering down here in Hell. It really is quite awful and it will never end. But knowing that my influence is growing up above keeps me going although I expect I’ll see some of you down here with me eventually. I’m looking at you Nigel Farage, Marine Le Pen and Jimmy Åkesson.”

Thure Sprogøe of the newly-formed EU Coalition of The Dangerously Deluded welcomed the surprise statement: “We love Hitler and we love those stylish uniforms. He had some good ideas about dealing with the unemployed which we’d love to implement. Although they weren’t called unemployed back then. They were called ‘Untermensch’ which is German for unemployed I think.”

Hitler ended his statement with a question: “I heard a joke about a black man leading America. This is a joke right?”

Image: Elzbieta Sekowska / Shutterstock.com