Cecil Rhodes Toilet Paper Sells Out In 15 Minutes

Toilet roll

Soft and gentle, unlike the man himself.

12 million rolls of toilet paper with Cecil Rhodes’ face printed on every sheet sold out in a record-breaking 14 minutes and 58 seconds in South Africa today.

Inspired by the Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan toilet papers of the 80s, the bum-wiping tissue proved to be a huge success in toilets throughout the country as thousands of South Africans queued for a chance to spread their rotten feces across the face of the sadistic, anti-black, land-stealing white supremacist.

Toilet-user Terrence Henry Molefe was among the first to defecate then rub his butt on the racist’s face.

“I think it’s important we honor Rhodes and show him the respect he deserves”, says Molefe, “and I can think of no better way than smearing his foul likeness upon my bumhole especially if I’ve eaten a dangerous curry the night before.

“Down with white supremacy, up with wipe supremacy.”

The company is now manufacturing another 30 million rolls to satisfy the demand followed by a new Gandhi roll.