British National Anthem Replaced With Reggae

UK and Jamaican flags

Rule Jamaica! Jamaica rules the waves!

On the eve of the World Cup, the UK government announced today that the current dreary British national anthem God Save The Queen is to be replaced after over 200 years of painful usage.

A brand new reggae national anthem will take its place entitled ‘Queenie Come Fi Mash Up’ which was composed by top reggae star Ninjaman with lyrics by Sir Tim Rice.

The current national anthem has come in for considerable criticism lately due to it being really awful. It’s been described by top musicologist at the Royal Academy of Patriotic Music, Simon Fogarty as ‘a dirge so dreadful it fills my heart with both boredom and terror, but mainly boredom’ and ‘music for dead people to make love to’.

Fogarty said: “The national anthem is a real drag. Most people don’t even know the words and the ones that do are as unpleasant as Thatcher.”

The new national anthem will combine the British love of good reggae music with an affectionate tribute to the Commonwealth, which was formed when Britain rampaged across the world killing dark-skinned people and stealing their countries.

The lyrics to the new anthem can be sung in a Jamaican accent or a standard cockney British one. Singing in a posh accent would be offensive though. Here are the lyrics to the chorus:

Queenie Come Fi Mash Up
Time for Britain to show its humanity
Queenie Come Fi Mash Up
Smash down the walls of captivity

Unbeknown to the British people, the Queen is a huge reggae fan who made numerous secret trips to Jamaica to indulge her love of ‘dancehall culture’. Not only was she a regular of top Jamaican reggae clubs but she was great friends with some of Jamaica’s leading recording legends including the late Sir Coxsone Dodd and Lee Perry before he lost his marbles.

Jamaican dancehall promoter Delroy Smalls said: “The Queen made many secret visits to top reggae nightspots and we nicknamed her The Royal Ragga. Seeing Queen Elizabeth II bogling on the dancefloor is something that will stay with me forever. And I mean that in a good way.”

But not everyone was happy with the choice of reggae to represent Great Britain. The far-right UK Independence Party musical director Horace Millington-Scumsley said: “This is an outrage. We don’t want this bongo bongo nonsense to stand for us. How would they like it if Britian went into their countries and forced our culture down their throats. They wouldn’t be so keen then would they.”