Black Superheroes Demand The Right To Save Earth

Amanda Waller

“Tell Iron Man to kiss my ass!”

“We’re fed up with being edged out by the white and green,” say black superheroes at the Annual Black Superheroes Conference in New York as they expressed their frustration at having to play second fiddle to white superheroes while saving the planet.

Some of the most righteous black superheroes attended the event including Storm, Falcon, Spawn, Rocket, Cyborg, Luke Cage, Vixen, Heimdall and Black Panther.

Rescuing humankind from destruction delivers enormous benefits for superheroes including fawning adoration from lowly mortals, endless offers of sexual favors and free food from popular fast food restaurants.

During her keynote speech, Amanda Waller the event’s official spokesperson made the black superheroes’ demands clear in no uncertain terms.

“We’ve been brushed aside for too long,” says Waller.

“We have waited patiently for our chance to save Earth but we very rarely get a look in.

“And who does the public favor instead?

“That Superman dude isn’t even from Earth. Can you imagine the diseases he brought with him and everyone knows that Batman is a sick pervert who’s not right in the head. Let’s just say you won’t be asking that freak to babysit anytime soon if you get my drift.

“Then there’s Black Widow. She sure doesn’t look black to me.

“And what about the not-so-incredible Hulk? If a black man caused that much damage he’d be dead by now but Hulk gets a pass every time as if he’s in a biker gang.

“Sure, there’s a black guy among the Fantastic Four but the fact that he’s always on fire doesn’t sit right with me.”

In response to Waller’s tirade, the white superhero union suggested a possible 50/50 deal with a ‘no-sidekick clause’ on all future planet-saving but refused to entertain the possibility of blacks saving humanity themselves without some form of white intervention.

Waller concluded her speech with a strong warning.

“If this situation continues, we’ll have no choice but to say ‘fuck the Earth’ let’s fight the cops instead. Then I’m sure we’ll get some attention.”