Ben Carson Says Everything Is Like Slavery Except Slavery

Dr. Ben Carson

“Microphones are like slavery.”

GOP presidential front-runner Dr. Ben Carson has added abortion to the long list of things he thinks are comparable to slavery although, rather oddly, he does have a very favorable view of slavery which somewhat undermines his numerous comparisons.

In addition to abortion and Obamacare the former brain surgeon has compared plenty of other things to slavery including food stamps, lucid conversation, logical thought, science and gay marriage.

He will liken even more things to slavery in one of his upcoming speeches including wheelchairs, watching Teletubbies, foreign food, bisexuality, the reverse cowgirl position, hippies, wine spritzers, German cars, hats, Estonians, dictionaries, French cheeses, Chinese smartphones, sex with the lights on, bibles not in the English language, tattoos, reading, low-carb diets and listening to bands like Rush.

In a strange twist, however, the doctor says that actual slavery was rather good. He believes it was a glorious, halcyon period in American history when blacks and whites showed each other mutual respect and got along just fine.

Ben Carson is loved by Republicans although it cannot be confirmed whether his views on slavery have anything to do with this.

Image: Michael Vadon