Whites In Skin-Darkening Shame

“I just wanna be Black like you.”

Millions of white women around the world hate their complexions and are darkening their fair skins by lying in the sun for hours or smearing their pale bodies with dangerous chemicals.

Throughout the summer months these sad women hang around parks, beaches and even pavements in an increasingly desperate attempt to look like their idols Beyoncé, Rihanna and Lupita Nyong’o.

There’s now a multi-million dollar industry set up to exploit these poor white women by selling skin-darkening products that accelerate the darkening process but the price the women pay is high and not just in terms of the products’ costs.

First they cover their bodies in a special cream that’s supposed to protect their skin from UV damage. Then they lie directly in the sun’s cancer-inducing rays to get as dark as possible like a chicken in the oven. Then they go back home to their friends to compare skin tones while secretly wishing they would turn into a gorgeous Black person.

It’s also estimated that up to 35% of white women attend special darkening salons which can darken the skin at even faster rates.

Darkening enthusiast Mary Dorling said: “As soon as I saw Lupita I felt inadequate and I wanted to go home and scrub the white off my skin. No matter how hard I scrubbed it wouldn’t come off so I resorted to lying in the sun until I achieved something close to Lupita’s ebony perfection. I still have the words ‘black is beautiful’ haunting me every time I look at myself in the mirror though.”

But the effects of skin darkening can get much worse if the dark skin obsession leads to darkening addiction or tanorexia as it’s formally known in the medical community. They darken so much, they literally fry until their bodies disappear in a cloud of smoke.

Over two million darkening addicts disappeared due to tanorexia in the last five years and the problem is now out of control among lighter-skinned peoples like Norwegians or people from Glasgow who are crumbling to dust on a regular basis.

Nigerian Senior Epidemiologist at the University of Creative Knowledge, Dr. Abejide Oni said: “Whites will never reach our stunning levels of world-leading beauty so we should help them by launching a public information campaign to address their skin stigma, low self-esteem and self-hatred.”

“But If they really want to get darker they should go back to traditional skin-darkening methods like eating two hundred carrots or working in a field.”