Make America awful again!
After getting his butt handed to him by an unloved Canadian, Donald Trump threatened to ‘romantically inseminate’ his lover Sarah Palin in order to unleash a fearsome Hellchild upon the planet if he doesn’t secure the GOP nomination.
Trump and Palin promise to sire an abomination so evil and so far to the right it will make Damien look like a Kumbaya-singing vegan hippie who smells like a particularly damp rainforest.
If they go ahead with their threat the ‘thing’ will inherit traits like unwavering malevolence and aggressive stupidity and could bring about an age of darkness upon the Earth.
Trump said: “If the American people don’t do my bidding then I have no choice but to breed with Palin to fulfill the prophecy as foretold in the book of Reagan which comes from the Texan version of the Bible.
“Fellow Americans sweep me to power and I will reward you with riches you could never imagine.
“I mean real, honest, hardworking Americans just like me not the other kind.”
The orange-faced capitalist has already set out plans for the direction of his progeny’s life which includes attending the finest elite schools money can buy, a career on Wall Street leading to global economic meltdown then a final rise to political power with a triumphant ascent to the presidency of the United States.
Trump continued: “If I don’t get what I want then the birth of my Hellspawn will bring about decades of suffering for everyone on the planet.”
Trump then threatened to parade through the streets naked as an additional punishment if needed.
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