We will not stand for this so we’ll sit instead.
Pigs are demanding that humans stop using their good name as a derogatory term for the police after recent events caused an upsurge in the use of the term among various protest groups.
The Council Of Porcine Society, or COPS as they’re sometimes known are apoplectic with rage at the continued use of their common and popular species name to condemn and insult members of the police force.
David Speckham, Head Spokespig for the Council had strong words for humans: “Referring to police as pigs hurts the entire pig community and is seen by the council as ungrateful given that pigs have willingly supplied our scrumptious flesh to humans for thousands of years.
“We feel we’ve done nothing to deserve this as we’ve always devoted ourselves and our tasty sweet bodies to the betterment of humankind.
The Head Spokespig went on to further dispel the comparison: “It makes no sense to use us to describe the police as we have nothing in common with them anyway.
“We don’t terrorize entire communities, we don’t racially profile people and we certainly don’t shoot unarmed citizens although I did eat a dead body once but I was desperate at the time so I had no choice.
“Okay so we do have some minor things in common with the police such as eating way too much and leaving a trail of mess wherever we go but the comparisons end there.”
Speckham suggested using other more despised animals instead.
“What about rats, they carry diseases and generally ruin everything they touch and you can’t even eat them and how about mosquitoes, a particularly odious species that causes the deaths of thousands of innocent humans every year just like the police do.”
The Spokespig rounded off his statement with these ominous words: “If humans continue to hurt our good image then we will start withholding certain parts of our bodies such as baby back ribs, pork tenderloin, pork chops and sausage meat.
“Finally if no action is taken, and I hope things don’t get this far, we will have to withdraw bacon.
“Humans you have been warned.”
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