Oscar Pistorius Interested In Joining US Police

“I’m shooting for the top.”

Convicted killer Oscar Pistorius has expressed an interest in becoming a police officer in one of the many United States police departments upon completion of his sentence for shooting to death his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day last year.

Pistorius, who could get up to 15 years in prison but will probably walk away with a slap on the wrist, feels it’s the next step in his ‘brand development’ as his running career is coming to an end.

Pistorius said: “I was once the poster boy for Paralympians everywhere but now I’m being portrayed as a twitchy, reckless, narcissistic murderer so I’ve decided to capitalize on that by becoming a celebrity cop over in America.

“I would’ve considered the South African police force but they’ve gone a bit soft since they let Mandela out. In America, they’ve got cops who still kill with impunity just like the old days before all this PC nonsense and that’s where I want to be.”

There are currently around 15 different police departments vying for his services including the LAPD, the NYPD and the Ferguson PD where he would be warmly welcomed as the perfect replacement for Darren Wilson who has mysteriously disappeared.

Ferguson Police Captain Benny Jumpkins said: “Oscar has all the qualities we look for in a police officer including shooting wildly without thinking, an itchy trigger finger, taking offense for any minor grievance and, most importantly, an unhealthy attitude towards firearms.

“If we add an irrational and paranoid approach to dealing with black people then he’s the perfect cop.”

Oscar Pistorius has already had an effect on US policing as many departments around the country now train officers to shoot several times through a door as a safety precaution before entering a premises.

Image: By Kastom. (Own work.) [CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons