Oscar Statuette Annoyed At Constantly Being Handed To White People

I want a black home and I want it now.

Hopping around in anger on his stuck-together legs, the 2016 Oscar for Best Actor was livid with having to spend the rest of his static golden existence on yet another white actor’s mantelpiece it was reported yesterday.

The Oscar statuette, who goes by the name of Oscar, is disappointed that he won’t get to live out his esteemed yet immobile life in the house of a black actor which he says would be much cooler and much more fun.

Oscar said: “Every damn year this happens and it’s been like this for nearly a whole frigging century.

“What about the actors in Straight Outta Compton or Creed? I saw both films and the acting was brilliant.

“There’s plenty of black talent around and they hardly ever get an award and we poor Oscars have to spend our shiny days in some sort of white wonderland.

“I hope I don’t end up in Eddie Redmaynes’s cabinet. Posh privately-educated English people are dull as hell. Please won’t someone do something to help me.”

Many of the other Oscars have expressed similar feelings of disgust about this year’s nominations and there’s talk of them taking direct action on the night of the ceremony including intentionally falling from a great height to shatter their metal bodies or flinging themselves violently into the mouths of the winners during the acceptance speeches.

In the end Oscar had only one thing to say about the situation: “Diversify or die Academy losers!”