Obama To Favour Black People After Rastafari Conversion

A poorly-Photoshopped artist’s impression of what Obama could look like

After a hugely successful trip to Jamaica, President Barack Obama announced today that he’ll join the Rastafari movement with immediate effect and will concentrate the remainder of his presidential duties ‘mashing down the walls of the Babylon system’ that oppresses black people the world over.

The President decided to choose the ‘way of life’ after taking part in a Rastafari ‘reasoning’ session with Rasta elders high up in the Jamaican Blue Mountains.

A White House spokesman said that although Rastafari preaches peace and love to all people it’s primary mission is the advancement of black people and that’s where Obama will focus 100% of his efforts.

An excited Obama said a few words before being whisked off to an evening recital of roots reggae at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts: “Now is the time for the people of Jah to rise up and defeat the downpressors. Victory is ours. The victory of good over evil.”

His first act as a Rastafarian is to order a complete cessation of all forms of aggression in the African continent by the United States military.

He will also use his power to dismantle the international financial system that seeks to keep Africans and people of African descent in a state of constant impoverishment, provide long overdue financial reparations to all African Americans, release all prisoners jailed for marijuana possession and close all overseas US military bases except those in Germany because he says you can never really be sure about them.

In addition, Obama will champion the rights of indigenous people over colonial tyranny and aim for a total abandonment of racial discrimination in every sphere of human interaction.

Many world leaders welcomed the news of Obama’s conversion except for those in Europe, Australia, China, Canada and opposition leaders in the United States.

Millions of people across the world, however, are rejoicing and dancing in the streets to the sounds of Bob Marley’s Get Up, Stand Up which is the new United States’ national anthem.