Internet Now 80% Racism

“Honey, look what I wrote.”

The Internet is now made up of 80% racism, say experts, who researched the entire Internet to find out what people spend so much of their time doing when their faces are stuck to iPhones for so long.

Originally invented by the US military for the dissemination of hardcore porn, the Internet has morphed into the world’s largest repository of racism with 1,000 racist comments being posted online every nanosecond in Texas alone.

Professor Hank Spanx of the University of Creative Knowledge said: “When we first invented the Internet we thought we could destabilize left-wing Latin American and Asian countries by feeding them huge amounts of images of people doing unspeakable things with plucked chickens, cucumbers and Vaseline, but that didn’t work out so well and we ended up destabilizing our own people who now turn to racism for comfort.”

The Internet now weighs 3,000,000 times more than it did in 1997 due to the amount of racism stuffed into its various pages and comment fields with the N-word taking up most of the space.

Spanx continued: “Unfortunately, some white people can’t help themselves. As soon as they have a bad day or something goes wrong in their lives like missing a bus or stubbing a toe they turn to the Internet to release their tensions by spewing forth the most hideous racist bile ever written.

“Right now there’s more racism on the Internet than a Fox News Christmas party, the Ferguson police locker room and a Kenny Chesney concert combined and that’s one hell of a lot of venom right there.”

In light of the research, the government has unveiled plans to create a special Internet called the Interhate to ease some of the pressure. They are currently accepting tenders to run the network.

Donald Sterling has expressed an interest.