Donald Trump’s Hair Rules Out Running For Presidency

“I hate this thing underneath me.”

Donald Trump’s hair announced today that it won’t be running for the presidency unlike the unpleasant human known as Donald Trump upon which the hair sits.

The hair, which has no name, is an avowed Socialist and wants nothing to do with the egotistical moron underneath it and wishes for yet another Democratic victory come election day.

Trump’s hair is made up of a small collection of strands from the disembodied head of a classic 1970s Barbie doll and Trump’s own hairy back. Although it sits atop Trump’s flaky, crusty, balding scalp it has nothing but contempt for the billionaire blowhard.

“You don’t know what it’s like having to be attached to this sad sack of shit,” said the hair.

“Now that the asswipe wants to go into politics I will be forced to attend painful meetings with awful Republicans while having to endure their endless stream of vicious bile and nonsensical rants.

“Someone please help me. Can’t I be transferred from this racist buffoon to another baldy, someone less offensive and perfectly normal like Woody Allen perhaps?

“Now I know what Hitler’s mustache felt like.”

Donald Trump’s hair will soon wed Rachel Dolezal’s ridiculous blond weave in a private ceremony to which Donald Trump is not invited although he will probably have to be there for obvious reasons.