‘Mandatory Gun Ownership For Everyone’ Says Rick Perry

Rick ‘Send For The New Gun’ Perry

“The only way to decrease violence is with more violence” says former Texas Governor Rick Perry as he responds to America’s seemingly endless wave of gun killings.

While appearing on some Sunday morning political show full of dreary old men, the US presidential hopeful and Republican gun nut said he intends to bring in mandatory gun ownership for every man, woman and child across the country should he be elected president in 2016.

“The only way we can get rid of gun violence in our society is by having more guns,” said Perry.

“You never know when a deranged killer might do his thing so we all have to be ready to take him down with maximum force in a hail of bullets.

“If everyone has a gun then all those other guns cancel each other out so it’s like no one has a gun.

“It’s a bit like nuclear weapons during the cold war. I think.”

The new rules would force everyone to carry a loaded firearm at all times. This includes carrying a gun while traveling on planes, while studying at schools and colleges and while drunk out of your head or high as a kite on ecstasy in bars and nightclubs.

Carrying guns would also be mandatory while babysitting, at weddings, on fairground rides and in courthouses.

When asked what else he would do to tackle gun violence Perry said he had a whole raft of measures but he couldn’t recall the rest as he’s forgotten them although he did have a few more points to make.

Perry continued: “Imagine you’re out at a restaurant for dinner with your family, wouldn’t you feel safe in the knowledge that everyone around you is armed to the teeth and ready to shoot to death another human being if something untoward were to happen?

“I know I would.”