Lie Generators Distributed To All Police Officers

“Just say she fell over, okay!”

As well as body cameras with editing functions, many US police forces are now issuing their officers with Lie Generator smartphone apps to enable them to avoid punishment for routine ‘mistakes’ such as murdering people or tampering with evidence.

The Lie Generator app, manufactured by a tech company in the Deep South and endorsed by Darren Wilson, helps police cover up embarrassing mishaps that could cost them their careers by carefully reshaping the facts so that the officer in question remains ‘innocent’ and free from prosecution.

For the app to generate the required lies, an officer simply types in the details of the arrest as well as the problem they need to cover up. The Lie Generator will then fabricate elements of the story with an updated timeline as well as creating specific responses should anyone ask too many questions.

The officer then sends the Lie File to their computer which will print out a revised crime report to ensure the officer can walk away from the incident with their job and reputation intact.

The app will also connect to other police Lie Generators so that everyone is onboard with all the ‘facts’ of the case during the investigation.

Texas Law Enforcement Official Frank Bludgeon praises what the app can do for his officers.

“Slightly tweaking the truth is an essential part of police work and has been since policing began,” said Bludgeon.

“The thing that most normal folk don’t understand is that police work is really, really hard and sometimes it’s so stressful and difficult that you might kill somebody in a fit of rage for no apparent reason especially if they don’t do exactly what you want.

“It’s just one of those hazards we have to deal with although the hazard is to the public and not us.

“Of course we make mistakes from time to time and we think we should be allowed to learn from these mistakes instead of being punished for them.”

Bludgeon then went on to say that the new app will ensure police officers can continue their good work unencumbered by newfangled, trendy ideas such as human rights, upholding the law and treating people politely and fairly.