“I DON’T APOLOGIZE!”
President Barack Obama weighed in on the escalating Twitter beef between soul singers Anita Baker and Cheryl Lynn, coming out strongly in favor of Anita Baker, the eight-time Grammy winner.
The President feels that Baker’s sophisticated upmarket production values and glossy vocals represent a musical gold standard that delights the ears and the mind and played a key part in his wooing of the first lady Michelle Obama.
As for Cheryl Lynn, the President said her grittier and earthier music is undoubtedly good on the dance floor but fails to meet the needs of today’s more cerebral listener in the way that Baker’s music does. He then went on to admit he’s never been Cheryl Lynn’s biggest fan.
His words were seen as inflammatory by one of his biggest critics, Dr. Cornel West, who claimed the President lost the funk a long time ago and should stick to listening to Kenny G records until he gets his groove back.
Shortly after the President’s statement Vladimir Putin sided with Cheryl Lynn and vowed to support her both militarily and musically if need be with the Moscow Philharmonic Orchestra on standby.
In direct response to Putin’s threat, newly-crowned UK Prime Minister David Cameron gave his full support to Anita Baker who he says ‘has a smooth and somewhat conservative style that’s popular with the public while avoiding Cheryl Lynn’s more upfront and abrasive nature.’
As a last ditch attempt to prevent all-out war, UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon was called in to mediate between the two soul divas to prevent a nuclear catastrophe.
Both singers have come to an agreement to cease all Twitter-based hostilities for a 30-day period as long as Baker agrees to unblock Lynn though this hasn’t happened as yet.
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