“I really don’t know what I’m doing.”
When HR Manager John Hunter was asked to write a report on the current state of diversity in his firm he liberally peppered the 175-page document with numerous quotes from Martin Luther King Jr. in a futile and pathetic attempt to seem racially inclusive.
His efforts failed miserably and it was apparent to all who read his piss-poor scribblings that Hunter didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.
Quite how the quotes of the famed civil rights leader could have any relevance to a company making motor oil no one knows, but one thing’s for sure, John Hunter is a incapable of writing a coherent report.
“I’ve used his quotes in the past when discussing race but that’s usually because I’m uncomfortable,” says Hunter, “I’ve never used the quotes in a work context and judging by the reaction I think I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Isaiah Henries, one of Hunter’s many black colleagues, found the report to be amateurish and childish in its conclusions about diversity but admits that Hunter meant well despite his obvious intellectual shortcomings.
“The report was a real embarrassment for John,” says Henries, “but not as much as it was for me when I read it. It was nonsensical drivel and I lost all faith in humanity after reading it.”
Hunter feels that adding so many Martin Luther King Jr. quotes was a major error and he would like to replace some of the quotes with Malcolm X quotes in a 2.0 version if he’s allowed. This will not happen now that the report has been roundly condemned as ‘horse crap’.
For his next task Hunter will carry out a study on sexual harassment in the workplace. He is currently researching French feminist literature from the late 19th century for suitable quotes and inspiration.
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