The best of British
The BBC has announced it will launch a new digital TV channel in time for the general election dedicated to the growing British pastime of moaning about and blaming everything on immigrants.
The channel, called BBC None, will broadcast irony-free, migrant-focused documentaries and light-hearted reality shows like Call A Spade A Spade, Andrew Marr’s Muslim Madness, Fishing With Farage and Nightly News With Jeremy Clarkson.
BBC None Controller, Jane Wayward says that moaning about immigrants is as uniquely British as drinking 18 pints of beer just to get through the day, punching people who don’t say thank you in the Queen’s English and looking at porn while crying.
“There’s never a day goes by when we’re not holding a phone-in on immigrants and Muslims”, says Wayward, “the average Brit’s appetite for constantly droning on about foreigners while completely overlooking their own obvious shortcomings is never-ending.”
Part-time moaner 64-year old Bert Segsley of The Braintree Home For The Dim-Witted in Essex welcomes the new channel.
“I’m not racist but it’s about time we got our own channel before they all get taken over by Boko Haram.
“How would the Africans like it if we invaded their countries and imposed our will and religion upon them? I bet they’d be complaining like there’s no tomorrow. Vote UKIP!”
Maureen Hanshaw, an avid moaner and police officer from South Thanet who doesn’t want to remain anonymous has similar feelings about immigrants.
“I’m not racist but they’re lazy and they don’t want to work and the ones that do want to work are taking our jobs.
“And, they don’t integrate, except for the ones that do, and who wants that? Not me. Vote UKIP!”
BBC executives say the new channel will be available on cable, satellite and terrestrial platforms in HD except in London where it won’t be available at all.
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