Zimmerman Pinatas Sell Out In Black Areas

Come and give it to me.

George Zimmerman replica piñatas are selling through the roof. The buying frenzy began after the rotund murderer was exonerated for the cold-blooded slaying of an innocent Black school kid.

Piñatas originated in Latin America but are now popular worldwide. Traditionally, they’re filled with candy and hung on a branch before being mercilessly attacked with sticks by ravenous children. After being bashed enough times the piñata bursts depositing all its delicious candy goodness to the eager infants. These colorful objects are mainly purchased for children’s parties and barbecues but this is the first time they’ve been used for ritualistic vengeance. The Zimmerman piñata comes in a variety of types including the classic donkey, the human effigy, the chunky pig and the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz. All of them feature Zimmerman’s doughy, punchable face.

Shopkeeper David Wolfman said: “We can’t keep up with demand as these things are flying off the shelves. Demand has been so high that even our Taiwanese manufacturers can’t make them quick enough. We sell them using the phrase ‘when you can’t beatdown the real thing, beat the next best thing while giving your kids a treat!”

Wolfman continued: “I’ve never seen piñatas attacked with such ferocity. They really go for it. If that donkey was real there’d be blood everywhere. Even when the candy is released they just keep on beating that thing until there’s nothing left. They seem to ignore the candy but instead just go on beating. There’s some real venom up in there.”

Now adults are buying them for their own gatherings and they’re not just beating them with sticks. Reports suggest adults are now shooting and stabbing the piñatas. Some people have even resorted to using axes and machetes with some going even further by decapitating the pinata with a chainsaw.

The language used during the piñata beatings is often aggressive which demonstrates the level of animosity certain communities have for Zimmerman. Phrases such as ‘die, scum, die’ or ‘come and get some you piece of crap’ are screamed throughout the bashing.

Andrew Welby, an enthusiastic Zimmerman piñata beater, who was purchasing his tenth piñata said: “I would really love to get my hands on him so releasing my temper on this candy-stuffed children’s party figure alternative is helping me work things out.”

To meet the growing demand for adult Zimmerman piñatas a new range made of real animal flesh, bone and blood is planned for future release. They come from recently-slaughtered pig and sheep carcasses and the blood hasn’t been drained so when you shoot the wound bursts with blood just like when you shoot a real human coward.