Trump Drops ‘Make America Great Again’ For ‘Make America 19th Century Again’

Donald Trump

The Good Old Days!

“It hit me like bolt of lightning while I was bronzing on the sunbed,” said Donald Trump as he announced the campaign slogan he would use if he wins the Republican nomination.

‘Make America 19th Century Again’ replaces ‘Make America Great Again’ as his slogan of choice if Trump goes to the polls in November to convince America they are better off with him or whoever wins for the Democrats.

While flicking his wispy, straw-like hair across his Florida orange face, Trump said: “The first half of the19th century was a glorious time for America then it all went a bit wrong after that little skirmish between 1861 and 1865.

“I want America to return to those pre-war times when everyone knew their place and there was a place for everyone.

Those close to Trump says he believes the 19th century was a great time for race relations, gender politics, the class system and especially hair styles which heavily influenced his own choice of cut.

Trump continued: “Back in the old days we didn’t have any of this nonsense stuff like diversity, feminism, gay marriage, climate change, AIDS or iPhones because we just got on with making America great.

“And you know what? We succeeded because the right people were in charge and that’s what I feel the hardworking American people want right now.

“Life was better and easier because things were simple and everyone had their role mapped out for them.”

Trump also said he wants a return to proper capital punishment like public hanging and the electric chair. He then said he would accept 19th century ailments like cholera, typhus and yellow fever as long as the right people got infected.

Image: Gage Skidmore