‘Can’t We Have A White Winner For A Change?’ Says Marathon Organizer

Marathon runners

Oh damn! They’ve won again!

Stockholm Marathon 2015 organizers have run out of legal, non-racist ways to ensure a white winner at this year’s event but senior race official Petter Bunksson is still convinced that blond-haired, blue-eyed master race types should really be winning everything.

“Seeing Africans win year in, year out is really demoralizing for us Swedes,” said Bunksson, “so we’ve decided to rig the rules to guarantee a white winner just like we do in life.

“Unfortunately, only giving prize money to us Nordic folk was not very sporting apparently so we’re trying to get those African chaps to run a little slower so we can catch up but that might not be enough because we’re pretty rubbish at running come to think of it.”

Head of Swedish race registration for the marathon Anne Darkström has other ideas to guarantee white dominance.

“Can’t we stop them the same way we do when they apply for work by throwing their application forms in the bin and giving preference to our family members or school buddies instead.

“It’s worked for years at my company.”

But African long distance runners remain unperturbed by these attempts to impose white supremacy upon them.

Race favorite Benny Kabuu from Kenya who can’t wait to compete said, “We look forward to winning the Stockholm marathon this year and for the next fifty years at least.

“Maybe the Swedes should stick to sliding down a mountain when it snows. I’ve heard they’re good at that.”

Image: © Marie-Lan Nguyen / Wikimedia Commons, via Wikimedia Commons