Academy To Pack Oscar Ceremony With As Many Black People As Possible

The Academy

Now with extra black people!

Stressing the importance of making it look like the Academy gives a shit, an unnamed organizer of this year’s Oscar ceremony says they will invite as many black people as possible to avoid the night looking like a Kenny Chesney concert.

Now that the Oscars are officially whiter than the Republican party, the Academy has decided to put on a shockingly transparent display of enforced racial harmony more cringeworthy than Disney’s 1946 horror film Song of the South.

The unnamed organizer, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of Academy retribution, said: “They’re bussing in truckloads of black people for the big night and they’ve all been told to smile a lot.

“You’ll see every Oscar presented by one black person and one white person holding hands to let the world know that Hollywood is a racial paradise and not a locked-down cesspit of decades-old ideas and exclusivity.

“We’ve been told by the fearsome Academy elders that we have until the 27th February to make the Oscars the visual equivalent of that Ebony And Ivory song. You know, where we all live together in perfect harmony, side by side on my piano keyboard, oh lord why don’t we?”

In other news, the Academy has denied reports that they planned to seat black audience members at the back of the auditorium although Academy president Cheryl Boone-Isaacs is annoyed that they placed her seat behind a pillar and next to a toilet.